HP - Show him Your Legs Harry

Title: Show him your Legs, Harry
Author: Raven Grimm
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing/characters: Sirius/Remus, Harry, Ron, Belatrix
Genre: Slash, crack
Rating: PG-13 for minor language and near nudiness :3
Summary: Something has happened to Remus that is just too crazy to believe.
Note: Sorry about this, I had a dream along these lines and couldn't resist turning it into a fic xD So it's not part of my main HP story and it's pre Remus/Sirius

The instant he heard the scream, Sirius was belting down the stairs and into the dimly lit basement corridor following the cries of pain that echoed off the cold, stone walls. He felt instant relief when Harry rounded a corner and was at his side, Ron close behind him. But the worry returned a fraction of a second later; where was Remus?

Several wrong turns, a handful of empty rooms, this place was just too big! Everything had turned silent again, like the moment before the scream, Rabastan laying unconscious at Sirius's feet, Sirius able to breathe for a moment and taste a victory. It had been short lived. Where the hell was Remus?!

Moody, Arthur and Molly were, to Sirius's knowledge, still at the other end of the street where he, Remus, Harry and Ron had left them to take care of the small Death Eater incursion that had ambushed them. But it wasn't long before the four of them had their own enemies to fight, namely the Lestranges, Belatrix included, and two others lurking somewhere in this mansion of a house.

Sirius was reaching the horrible conclusion that he wasn't going to find Remus at all when he rounded yet another corner and was so blinded by worry that he very nearly sped past the room Remus was in. it was just a glimpse of light brown hair and drab green clothes that had caught his eye.

Sirius skidded to a stop, Harry and Ron stopping just in time to avoid colliding with him as he whipped around. Sirius gawped at the sight of Remus lit by a swaying light above his head. He was alive, apparently uninjured and staring at Sirius with wide, confused eyes.

There was a snort of laughter in the corner of the room and instantly Sirius's wand was pointed at Belatrix. Sirius jumped back and choked on a gasp. Harry mouthed wordlessly at his side.

Sirius drew his attention back to Remus who was chewing his lip, his eyes now turned to the rotting floorboards.

"What!" Sirius managed to say at last. He couldn't believe his eyes. This was beyond bizarre, it was down right crazy! And had he been seeing it alone he would have assumed himself dreaming. But as it was, Ron and Harry were there too, both looked just as stunned as he felt. "What …" he took a breath and tried again, "What has she done to Remus?!"

"P-Padfoot?" Remus said, his voice sounding tiny and distant, his eyes wide and confused again.

"Ahahahaha-"

"Shut the hell up, Belatrix!" Sirius snapped, jerking his wand at the crazy witch's nose, which was … much lower than it should have been. Sirius briefly considered standing her on a box; maybe then the scene wouldn't look quite so … impossible.

"This is … weird," Harry said, his eyes drifting between Remus and Belatrix, both dressed in clothes five times too big for them. "I've never seen anything like this."

"I have," Ron said his voice sounding ghostly. "Well, I've heard of it anyway."

"You have?" Sirius asked; in all his years he'd never heard of such a – was it a spell? An illusion? Or somebody's twisted idea of a joke?

"I remember dad saying something about it a few years ago," Ron muttered. "It's a hex, a very powerful one that has the exact same affect on the caster as their intended victim.

Harry shook his head in confusion. "Then what's the point in casting it in the first place, if it leaves you in the same position as your enemy?"

"It's a last resort." Ron shrugged.

"Remus must have been putting up one hell of a fight," Sirius said, proudly. Remus's little pink cheeks blushed further and he giggled.

Harry shivered. "This isn't right," he said.

"It's creepy," Ron agreed. He tilted his head and said in a much quieter voice, "But he does look … cute."

Cute was an understatement. Remus looked absolutely adorable. With his golden wavy hair, his little button nose and rosy, dimpled cheeks. His wide, pretty eyes and cherry lips. Basically everything he normally had but just in a rounder, softer way, and without the years of worry and full moons spent tearing himself to shreds to mare his pretty face. The problem for Sirius was that he was used to thinking of Remus in a I-want-to-see-you-naked kind of way, and at the moment that would be wholly inappropriate.  You simply didn't think those thoughts about someone who was barely taller than your knee, someone who looked not long out of nappies.

"Turn him back!" Sirius growled, renewed anger forcing his words out, his wand jabbing Belatrix on her baby nose.

She blew a raspberry at him. Sirius scowled.

"She can't undo it," Ron said and something in his voice gave Sirius pause

"Why can't she?" Harry asked.

"It's part of the spell. I don't understand it exactly; just that it can't be undone that way."

"Then what way can it be undone?" Sirius asked and Ron probed both their faces before blushing and looking down at his hands.

"Ron. What do we do?" Harry said.

Ron took a deep breath, his lips tight, his eyes narrowed in thought. Then he squared his shoulders and said in one long breath, "Show him your legs, Harry."

Harry gawped, so did Sirius. Belatrix cackled. Sirius poked her in the face with his wand. "Shut up, bitch. I will stab you!" he hissed.

"Show him my what?" Harry asked disbelievingly.

Ron groaned. "Don't make me say it again." He folded his arms tightly across his chest. "It's a stupid spell, it's not my fault."

Sirius frowned at Ron. "You really want Harry to show Remus his legs?" he asked.
Ron nodded glumly.

Harry shook his head. "Firstly, why mine?"

Ron sighed. "I don't know…" he trailed off, muttering, "Yours are better than mine…"

"What was that?" Harry asked.

"I don't know if it really works, but it's supposed to be the only thing that can undo the hex."

"But that's –"

"Ridiculous?" Ron guessed. "Yeah, I know." He shook his head like he was trying to dislodge the blush from his cheeks.

Sirius nodded to himself. "Right, if that's what needs to be done then …"

Harry looked at Sirius, his eyes bulging. "You want me to flash my legs at Remus?" He sounded embarrassed now as well as shocked. "He's … he looks about three years old!"

"It's only a leg, Harry."

"There's something very wrong with this spell," Harry muttered, shaking his head resignedly. He crouched to pull up his trouser leg. "Do I need to show it quickly or …" he left the rest of the sentence unsaid, it was just too crazy to spent too much time talking about.

"I'm not sure," Ron admitted. "Try showing it fast, maybe the shock will …" he two felt too embarrassed to continue his thought.

Harry nodded slowly and glanced once at three-year-old Remus swimming in his own clothes. His faded green shirt was down past his knees, his suit jacket hanging off one shoulder, and his trousers held loosely in one hand. Remus's eyes were locked on Harry curiously, so were Belatrix's.

Harry closed his own eyes as he whipped his trouser leg up past his knee in one swift motion. Everyone was silent, all eyes - except Remus's - on Remus who was frowning at Harry's lightly hairy leg.

"How long is it supposed to take to work?" Sirius asked and noticed Harry open his eyes.

"I don't know," Ron said. "Maybe you should show all of your leg," he added, when after several long moments, nothing had changed. Remus was still just as dimpled and bright-eyed.

"I don' like being dis small, Siwius," Remus said, and Sirius's heart melted at the mispronunciation of his name. But a thought occurred to him.

"Remus," he said crouching down in front of him now, leaving Ron to keep watch over baby-Belatrix. "How old are you?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Dhirty eight," he said and sighed. "Too old to be dis tiny."

"So you don't feel like a three year old?" Harry asked pulling his trouser leg back down and standing again his cheeks flushing a bright red.

"No. I wemember evwy ding," Remus said and groaned softly. "I don' like speaking like dis." He glared at Belatrix who smiled spitefully at him.

"A thirty eight year old three year old," Harry said, "the weirdest spell I've ever seen. So, why did my, um … leg not work?"

"I don't know," Ron said. "Wrong leg?"

"What, I should have shown my left leg and not my right?"

"I don't know," Ron repeated, with an exasperated sigh. "Maybe we should get Dumbledore."

"No, you're right," Sirius said. "Wrong leg." And with a flourish, he whipped his trouser leg up for Remus to gawp at.

The change was almost instantaneous. One moment Remus's head was in line with Sirius's – crouched as he was – and the next, he was towering over him. Remus's clothing, minus his trousers, filled out with his newly adult sized limbs. Luckily for him, his shirt was already a little too big and hung down low enough to hide what his trousers should have been. Luckily for Sirius, however, he was still at a low perfective and got an eyeful of just that before Remus dropped to his knees, fresh blush in his cheeks.

Remus gathered his trousers around his waist, but hesitated as he caught the look in Sirius's eyes. He chewed his lip before dropping the trousers again and wrapping his arms around Sirius's neck, hugging him to his chest.

"Thank you, Sirius," he said in almost a whisper and Sirius held him tightly, not caring that they weren't alone.

Sirius pressed his cheek against Remus's and couldn't help the smile that parted his lips. "If I'd known flashing my leg would get your trousers down, I'd of done it a long time ago," he snickered.

Remus choked and Sirius could imagine the look on his face, could clearly see him rolling his eyes. What Sirius wasn't expecting was for him to say, "There'll be plenty of time to make up for that." And Sirius is certain the next thing to touch his neck was Remus's lips.



The end